I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
