Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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