Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
