So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
