Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
