I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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