i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
