what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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