Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
