I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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