The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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