I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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