he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
