Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
