Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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