Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
