in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
