mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
