It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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