I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
