i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
