Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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