i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
