The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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