i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
do nipples grow back?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
