i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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