I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
