Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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