He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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