i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
