my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
