is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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