when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
