woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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