Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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