my vag is so smooth its legendary
You smell like stripper and shame
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
