hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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