Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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