I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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