Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Houston, we have a blender
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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