I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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