just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
