Whod you bang
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
