True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize