dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
