We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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