I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
