the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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