Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
