Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
