The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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