No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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