Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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