I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
