I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
