if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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