Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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