My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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