Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
