I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
