You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
