I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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