Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's even glitter on my cock...
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