There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
