Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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