that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I look better un-naked...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
