Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
