i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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