You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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