is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just had sex bonerless
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
