I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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