Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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