He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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