doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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