Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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