OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
