One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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