I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
