One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
