I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just found puke in my bra..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
