She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
